A Little Backstory…
There are some folks that may not know the story of how adoption became the plan for our family. I thought it would be appropriate to share from a post I wrote after learning the news of our infertility in November of 2008 (from a personal blog.):
Not only did I reschedule an appointment for a Monday morning, I also thought it was wise to accept an 8am slot. This was to be my first visit to a fertility specialist. I felt tired, overwhelmed and a little aggitated with the very rude and insensitive receptionist. After waiting for maybe 20 minutes (which was not my fault mind you.) Dave and I made it in to see the Reproductive Enocrinologist. We talked about the symptoms of Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), he talked about testing…and off we went…down the roller coaster. First step: more blood work. I HATE blood work. I’m not a fraid of needles per se, I’m afraid of passing out…which is my usual response. I wasn’t prepared. There was nothing in my stomach (which is exactly how they wanted me…in fasting mode.) In all I gave nine vials. NINE VIALS. I came close to passing out but the nurse brought me back to life just in the nick of time. Next was a ’internal’ ultra-sound that took a little too long. Lots of prodding and pictures. I was a little worried. We were only looking for cysts weren’t we?
The RE looked over the scans and called us in. This is where my life changed. Where in a single moment things went from manageable to utter despair. A moment where my heart literally hit the floor. The word that had plagued my sister on her quest to start a family had finally become a reality for me. “Those cysts you see there…those are filled with blood leading us to believe you may have Endometriosis,” the RE said, “and one of your tubes is dilated…we are not sure why.” Sitting there in disbelief I listened to his explanations and all the tests in our future. Everything my sister had endured six years ago would be my destiny as well. How is it that sisters, three years apart, share such a similar story? It brought back a memory from years earlier, maybe 15 years or so, when my sister had jaw surgery. I remember my dentist telling my mother I would need the same surgery. I was terrified. I walked out of the office, sat in the car, and cried. Things changed and I didn’t need jaw surgery after all, but the initial shock was traumatizing. Much like today. I knew what was ahead. I knew the potential heart ache and pain and I didn’t want to endure it. Dave was a great support for me that day. He was there to catch me when I hit my low. When I told him this was the worst case scenario for me…when the cashier told us our insurance would not cover our next appointment or procedure…meaning we would have to come up with $1,000 before next week plus hundreds more. He was there when I apologized…apologized for not being able to have his child the natural way…for complicating things. We both left in tears…going our separate ways. Both unsure of our future.
I know God is in control. I realize that although this may be the hardest thing Dave and I have had to face so far… there is no doubt that God will do amazing things through this experience. And I trust that God will heal our hearts and provide in a way we never imagined. But for now, I’m hurting, we’re hurting…and to manage the pain I’m crying. And I know the Lord hears me.
I think it’s important to note here that at this point I had already made the decision NOT to do In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) after watching what my sister went through. Amazing how that would be the only means of getting pregnant for us. God works in mysterious ways ;)
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