A Child For Us

Our neighbor massacred our flowers…

True story. They really did just that… they mowed right over them before they even had a chance to bloom. Now, there are only stubs where long green leaves once stood. Looking back, that should have been my first clue that yesterday was going to be a “memorable” one. 

I have felt pretty good about about our decision to adopt. Since the moment we made our decision final it’s been pretty exciting. But yesterday brought back old feelings… feelings of bitterness, doubt and frustration. Feelings I thought had long been gone… they were terrible friends… and like such friends they caught me in my weakness. 

We’ve had some pretty crazy things happen lately. Mostly to do with our medical release forms. From the mixing of records, insufficient information, do-overs, false-positives, hospital visits, you name it… it happened. Yesterday I was so close to having my form completed I could taste it. After two months of waiting, I made it my first priority to accomplish and it went something like this: 

• I Call PCP to schedule appt to sign off on my drug screen results.
• Receptionist tells me this can’t be done. Nurse will confirm this with doctor and call me back.
• Nurse calls back and I must have the lab fax over info to their office… they can’t go off of my personal copy. Fair enough.
• I call the lab listed on my results sheet… they tell me to call the office where I had the test done.
• I find the office number on some paperwork. It is no longer a working number. WHA?! To may amazement, I am able to cry AND laugh at the same. This is just too absurd to be real!
• I look them up on Google. Call and get through… they can’t fax that info either. At this point I am crying into the phone. Pleading for someone to help me. And guess what?! Nobody does.
• I then call our social worker… embarrassed that I’m crying and scared that I sound unstable… and try to tell her that I have a form that nobody will sign… will the original document suffice. 
• Luckily it will.

This was the first time (this year) I felt bitter about all this. Bitter that I even have to deal with this mess to begin with. Frustrated at feeling helpless and out of control. I felt like those darn flowers. Totally disregarded and mowed over.

So yesterday sucked. It really did. But when we went to our (surprise) meeting last night and two families came to talk to us with their gorgeous babies in tow… all the feelings that crept in earlier in the day just sort of melted. I realized that nothing could stand in the way of what God has in store for us and I would endure it all again if I had too. It is just that worth it.

Our meeting ended at about 9pm. I thanked Dave for sacrificing his plans on his only free night in months for his “family” and he responded back with, “they’re so worth it.”

And, quite honestly, he’s never been so right… :)